Been thinking about some folks from the new local church, it’s pretty cool to meet churchy-folks—i’ll just call them ‘brothers and sisters’—because being called a ‘churchy-folk’ will eventually grate on you, even the most patient of souls… so, without going into any detail about any individuals (although i think they posted them to FB), i’d like to say that it’s got to be a refreshing exercise for church-leadership, maybe even a discipline of sorts, to re-new your commitment to God, give yourself an ego-check, see if you’ve been stuck in patterns long enough that you should seek help/counsel, make sure you are still doing your job for all the right reasons, etc. I think that’s the benefit from everyone writing their ‘story/testimony’, and even more beneficial for church leaders.
They, meaning the core group of leadership/families/congregants from the new church seem to be recovery-focused, their out-reach/ministry beyond the walls of the small white new england building is helping folks overcome all sorts of nasty challenges… i don’t know what philosophy they use in the recovery program they use, but i remember in Alcoholics Anonymous you basically understand that you are a flawled person, one who happens to medicate with etho and probably has a painful history to prove it; many folks medicate with many different things, and at any given season we might drift between pre-contemplative, contemplative, active-participation, and maintenance with our unhealthy routines, but, in the recovery/post-recovery culture there is a cultural/peer-support of other folks that expect one another to be transparent.
In the Christian culture there is an assumed resemblance to A.A., we assume that, as individuals, we have been separated in some fashion from our Creator, and that Jesus was not only Logos, but also somehow a proverbial unblemished sacrificial lamb, yet we make some sort of commitment to continue conforming to the perfect model of the Christ, but, we never reach some perfect state to where we might not be ten minutes away from stupid ourselves (or going on a weekend bender), we assume that we aren’t perfect, and probably never will be, not ‘God like’ perfect. We don’t sell our religion under false-premises to solve all of your cares, in fact, in Christianity we actually tell you straight-up front that you will be subjected to some shit-storms, you will be challenged during some nasty seasons, and the nasty seasons come and somehow you will grow from them, in fact, shit-storms can hit multiple people, sometimes one person’s trial is similar but different to others who are also impacted by the same fecal-typhoon.
Anyways, i know some very kind, respectful, and decent folks that aren’t the least bit ‘religious’, but somehow are already seemingly connected to God, that’s what it seems like, so, we might be speaking about similar things just using completely different approaches/filters/biases/vocabulary to explain how we interpret the world, and what we think is important, or insignificant… so, i don’t judge a person by their religion, or their lack of one, but, please don’t mistake that to think that i want to be invited to any of your traditions that involve goat-leggings, mutilations, or victimizing folks… a man’s got to draw some line in the sand, maybe the goat-leggings are fine, just not sheep-trousers, maybe that’s where a blurred line needs more clarification.
With that long introduction, here were some thought’s after church today, i’m just copying/pasting from my blog now:
... nothing to do this afternoon, so that gives me time to read, write, pray... once upon a time it was punishment to lock me in a quiet room, and leave me there to ponder my poor behavior, now you don't have to lock me in, and will probably need to come get me when you think is appropriate, i won't even try to escape... that’s sort of what it's like being an introvert, more or less... the girls are shopping, Laura is visiting her Dad, and step-Mom with her Brother for a bit... within 30-minutes of church ending everyone was gone.
I have a zillion things to read, but i have one in mind for this afternoon, one to stimulate the noggin, and give me time to think more about church today, Laura works with one of the folks that gave their 'testimony' today... it was the kind of testimony that i was waiting for, one which is foreign to me, one from two folks that were multi-generational Christians, a husband and wife that grew-up in families full of servants, and those who love our Maker... i love the stories of the under-dogs, those who had a hell to climb out of, soiled clothes to get rid of, and had to fight through many shit-storms to be a healthy and decent member of society that mostly plays well with other people, and follows God in some cool unique way... that's what i'm more accustomed to… so… that’s why i was really looking forward to hearing how 'church bred folks' articulated their ‘testimony’, i don’t know tons of folks who grew-up in Christian house-holds/families, i mostly know folks that learned about God the hard-way… but, i appreciated hearing about some of their struggles, when they did some brave/weird thing that defied logic, yet reeked of God's plan/will/direction/communication... i don't care how scary or boring your background is, it's interesting hearing how we all got to where we are today... that's all good stuff right there... i challenged readers last month to write/articulate your story, it's a good challenge for folks who don't like to write, or aren't great with it (helloooo, look at my crummy/simple web-site)… and, for those who do write well, it's a good opportunity for self-awareness, what trends do you notice, what things have you overcome, what are your current priorities, what does the short and near-term future look like, what are you hopeful for, what sucks... i sort of pray as i write, i feel like i need to put twice the effort into getting my head straight, and processing my experiences, writing is the only way i know how to slow-down my train of thought, to focus, to beat-down some ADD/ADHD (however you like to define certain challenges), i don't know if God appreciates me writing and complaining all of the time, but, it's where we find ourselves, writing is my latest hobby, and i'm still checking it out, it's weird... after that side-note, go back to my challenge, what's your story, between you and God look like, how did you get there, how are you doing now... who are you, and what do you do, and why do you do it, what motivates you, and why does it motivate you... how do you think God interacts with creation, how do you interact with our environment, how do you interact with God, how much of your interaction is intentional.
I like hearing/reading people's stories, but i'd rather just inspire someone to write their own story... if you are new to writing i'll give you a hint, it's easier to write/communicate with a particular audience/reader in mind... since you have no idea who will end up reading let me suggest that you make God your target audience, that way you take most of your ego and bull-shit out of the equation, that ought to make it easier for you... and here's another tip, don't bother yourself with thoughts such as 'i wonder what God saw me do, so i'd know what to write about, and what i think i’m actually hiding', don't consider such nonsense at all, it's too much to have to think about, and you might still be holding on to too much ego if you consider such irrelevant silliness, and you might still be fighting the sort of naked-transparency that is required to write your own 'real story'... before you set out to write your story assume that everything that you've ever seen, touched, smelled, tasted, heard, felt in your body and soul, assume that you already reported all of that back to God in real-time, so assume that God already knows everything about the past, just assume that so you don't get hung-up on silly matters about who may have seen what… it's probably much better to begin with the understanding that you SHOULD NOT write some propaganda to impress anyone about anything, it's better to begin knowing that there is no one who needs to be impressed by a word of your testimony, that God already knows/owns the full truth of every matter, so maybe just write your story to another person who you think might be similar to you—if you need some target-audience reference, and then maybe make that story the story of how you made some connection to God, and what are your priorities nowadays, what are your challenges, what would you like to change about yourself, what are you doing that you think is helping others, and God... i'd love to know that at least one person met this challenge, you don't have to send me one word of it, but write it, and make it true, and as simple or fancy as you’d like to get doing such a thing... be you, and do it... can you manage to write 2,500 words? or, maybe a thousand? how about tens of thousands? write your story, lest some hater try to tell your story after you expire… but you have to write truth, and don't be afraid to include painful memories/experiences, and all of the fvcked-up stuff too, if need be--there might be good therapy re-visiting old pain from your current perspective -- God already remembers all of the past, and quite a bit better then we do... so write your story, even if it feels like a crappy chore, it ought to be a good exercise for you, if anything, do it to make sure that you are still keeping it real :-)